Dummies are inanimate objects that, more often than not, resemble humans. Although none have ever been recorded to be manufactured, they are often utilized in store displays, ventriloquist acts, and CPR classes because of the form’s convenience, and so to handle the burden of their surplus. Dummies appear to be a natural mineral occurence found in soils rich in silica and umami, but no one really cares why. While a few dummy mines do exist, they rarely turn a profit because of the naturally occurring dummy wells that burst out of the ground in geysers. These are often the target of geopolitical military tactics in which an enemy’s dummy deposits are set aflame to make the enemy’s own territory scarier. Burning dummies everywhere.