The Battle of Cranksberg
Updated: May 7, 2019
In August of 1865, General Thornton Johnson’s Army (otherwise known as The Temptations) assembled on the edge of a field just outside the small town of Cranksberg, Missouri. They had been pursuing Admiral Flintworth’s immensely disoriented naval fleet for several weeks, and combat was imminent. Cranksberg was a unique and vital territory – mostly in that it was a toxic and uninhabitable wasteland whose only inhabitants were rabid horses and flea-bitten cacti. It was the goal of each military to force the land into the other side’s possession. In a parlay before the battle, the leaders met in a hollow log to discuss their intentions. They agreed to a 48-hour ceasefire so that messengers could be sent to their respective headquarters. News traveled slowly back then, and during the parlay Johnson learned that this war was not against the British, but against his fellow Americans. He asked if the Admiral’s men would mind wearing red coats, since that was all that Johnson’s men were trained to shoot. The Admiral refused. Outraged, Johnson threatened to call the Air Force. The Admiral quietly explained that the Air Force wouldn’t be created for another 82 years. In the ensuing confusion, the opposing forces charged one another, and missed by about 12 miles.