Decebalus’s Head (Romania)

Just above a lovely river in Dubova, Romania, is a 140-foot-tall bearded man’s face in the cliffside. Canoers, kayakers, and paddleboarders are shocked to see this large feature if they weren’t expecting it, and the locals have installed nets downstream to collect any valuables dropped in the inevitable capsizing. So what is this giant stone face about, anyway? Decebalus was a king in the area, ruling for 19 years before losing reelection to an invading Roman Army in 106 CE. Being sore winners and acting like they’d never been there before, the Romans went looking for Decebalus, presumably to jeer him and “do the Bullwinkle” (Sticking out the tongue with splayed hands on either side of the head. A fate only slightly better than a kick in the nuts.). Refusing this fate, Decebalus cut his own throat. This took several days because, in a panic, he forgot the word for knife, and he tried using some bay leaves, a sandal, a Stadler GTW diesel-electric light regional railcar, and Weezer’s Raditude album (hadn’t reached Romania yet). He eventually succeeded, and businessman Iosif Constantin Dragan bankrolled the stone portrait of the local hero. It is the tallest rock sculpture in Europe.