I think Kevin made eye contact with me at the office today, and it made my knees weak. That’s saying something, as I have the strongest legs in this voting district. Every time I hear someone say “Old Kev’s in the break room, playing with his devil sticks” I’m tempted to get a job there instead of trespassing to see him more. But I always want to see Kevin more. Henceforth, I shall call him Keb’ Mo’. There will be objections to our love, however. How could it ever work between me, a Presbyterian, and him, a majority stockholder in Heelys? Woe is my heart, for there are such scarce words for my love, yet so many words for sandwiches. I have resolved to confront him with my feelings in the truest nature I know how. Arson.
- Cam Writt