Greetings Calvin,
I have a few notes for your script that should tighten it up for the producers.
In act 1, scene 2, you have Esmerelda riding a horse, but in act 3 you explicitly state that she is deathly allergic to horses in a musical monologue that I would critique if I had enough paper and the will to write it. In act 5 you say Esmerelda is a horse. Please clarify.
In act 2, scene 1, David does his sword swallowing trick to impress Esmerelda’s acupuncturist. He then rides to Amsterdam, delivers the news of enemy invasion, has a nice mutton dinner, and rides back in the morning. I’m just saying, he should pull the sword back out at some point, Calvin.
During the finale’s execution scene, all the actors yell “fire”, but you have them point towards a backstage area before they sprint offstage. Listen, man, that’s a felony. Don’t clear out an angry audience because you’re worried about refunds. Write a damn ending.
Some Kind of Regards,
Dorf W. Presley
Editor-in-Chief
Get this Editor Out of Me! Productions
“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the removal of it from one's head. The pail, that is.” – H.W. Blabbers